Are you a “Here I Am” person or a “There You Are” person?

Can you remember 7th grade?  Didn’t you think that someday you would surely outgrow your middle school angst?  Thankfully, for the most part we do.  However, I’m convinced that many adults still struggle in one area almost as much as adolescents; it can be just as awkward being the new gal  at 40 as it was at 14. This week I’m excited to introduce you to my guest blogger, President of Hearts at Home ministries, Jill Savage.  Jill is the Crossline Church’s upcoming women’s retreat speaker and shares great insights into making others feel comfortable and being comfortable yourself. This is great stuff to teach your kids, too. Read on and enjoy!

I once read that there are two kinds of people in this world: those who walk into a room and say, “Here I am. Come talk to me. Come ask me about me. Come make me feel comfortable.” And there are those who walk into a room and say, “There you are! You look interesting to get to know. Tell me about yourself.” It’s a subtle but essential distinction.

Friendship has to begin somewhere. If you’re friends with someone from childhood, you may not remember how that friendship began. As adults, however, we need to know how to meet someone new, get to know them a bit, and determine if pursuing a friendship would be valuable. The quicker we can learn to be a “There you are!” person, the easier it is to meet new people. When we stay in our “Here I am” corners, we are more concerned about our own comfort level than we are about the comfort of those around us—and we are slow to make friends.

Let’s apply this to a real-life situation. Let’s say you regularly attend a Bible study group. You love going each week to see friends and learn something from the study. One week you see a new face. She’s briefly chatted with a few people, but it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable and doesn’t know anyone in the group. You want to approach her but don’t really know how best to do that so you don’t say anything, talking only to women you know that day. If she says something to you, you’ll be happy to chat, but if not . . . oh well.

In that situation, you’ve completely been a “Here I am” person. You played it safe, but missed out on being Jesus to a person who desperately needed to be seen and valued. You also missed out on meeting someone who may (or may not) become a friend someday.

If she returns to the group the next week, you have another opportunity. This time you decide to put on your courage and be a “There you are” person. You walk right up to her, offer a firm handshake, and say, “Hi I’m __________, and I don’t believe I’ve had the opportunity to meet you!” She will respond with a handshake and her name. Then you start the “get to know you” discussion: Tell me about your family. Are you originally from this area? What are the ages of your kids? Do you have a church home? How did you learn about this study? It’s not Twenty Questions, but your goal is to learn more about her and, in the process, make her feel welcomed and cared for.

So are you a “Here I am” person, or are you a “There you are!” person? Figuring that out will help you know where to start when it comes to meeting new people and launching new friendships.

Jill Savage is a wife, mother, author, blogger, and speaker. Jill is the Founder and CEO of Hearts at Home, an organization that provides conferences and resources for moms. The National Hearts at Home conference draws over 6,000 moms every March. The author of 9 books including her most recent release, No More Perfect Moms, Jill is honest and transparent about how God is growing her even through difficult seasons of life. You can find Jill online at JillSavage.org and NoMorePerfectMoms.com.