Managing Messy Emotions

I was irritable last night.

Like, everything you’re doing-is bugging me, including the way you’re slurping that stupid Popsicle while mindlessly watching TV, irritable. It wasn’t pretty.

I didn’t start off the day that way, though. I started off early, feeling great. I even worked out before one of my dearest friends popped over for lunch. But then life happened.

I got so involved catching up with my friend that I missed Ashton’s text: “Can you pick me up at 1:20?”

I glanced at my phone. 1:35 and she was half an hour away. Darn.

Hastily, my friend and I said our goodbyes. I jumped in the car filled with mom guilt over being late (again) even though in the back of my mind I knew my daughter would be totally cool. But mom guilt is rarely based on something objective like…I don’t know…rational truth. (And no, mom guilt doesn’t end just because your child turns 18).

I picked her up, my tardiness no big deal to her, although for some reason I still felt a twinge of guilt. We headed out to purchase back-to-school necessities for college students who study everywhere south of the Mason Dixon Line (aka Nike shorts, among other things). Distracted, I stopped at a red light then started to proceed through it. Thankfully, Ashton screamed “MOM. STOP!” just in time, but my little mistake frayed both our nerves like rats chew on wire.

Frazzled, we almost just drove home. But then again, we’re girls and we had plans to shop.

One store and two hours and forty five minutes later we emerged with a single tiny bag. Bone tired, I felt the onset of a throbbing headache.

By the time I steered my SUV into the garage I was exhausted. A terrible night’s sleep the night before didn’t leave me with much energy reserve. Honestly, the thought of cooking dinner felt overwhelming; the clean-up, even worse. I should have taken a nap, or stopped for take-out or just asked for help. Instead, I forged ahead. By the time dinner was complete, the dishes done and I finally sat down to book our Parent’s Weekend flights to visit Ashton this fall, the sound of JP and his raspberry Popsicle did me in.

I didn’t really say anything. I didn’t have to. One look said it all.

You are SO bugging me.

Except the problem wasn’t him. Or his Popsicle (Trader Joe’s, by the way – delicious!). The problem was me.

I allowed a day filled with minor stress and lack of proper rest to escalate. I pushed too hard, hurried too fast and hassled too much, sort of like putting life on speed dial and refusing to hang up.

Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is listen to our own warning signs of stress, tension or exhaustion. Genuine faith infiltrates the everyday comings and goings of life. We can’t live frantic and live by faith.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it. (Isaiah 30:15)

The reality is every one of us, irrespective of how long or short we’ve walked with the Lord, get irritable occasionally. Or stressed. Or worried. Or fearful. But what if instead of allowing our emotions to play themselves out to their logical (and unhealthy) conclusion, we did something different?

What if we…

1. Recognized the emotion at its onset?

2. Identified the true source? (not the perceived source)

3. Responded by dealing appropriately with the source?

What if we started thinking “What I feel is __________, but what I know is _____________”.

Looking back on last night, I realize I felt my irritability coming on. I knew I was exhausted and needed space to pause. I should have chosen to own my emotions rather than deflecting their cause onto the people closest to me. But I didn’t heed my own warning signs. I felt the burden to keep going when the truth was I needed a good night’s sleep and an Advil.

I’m happy to report that I apologized for my behavior and today I’m no longer irritable . At least not yet. And if I’ll take my own advice, maybe it will stay that way.

What about you? Do you struggle managing messy emotions? Any helpful tips you can share?

Donna speaks to thousands of women all over the country each year. To have Donna share at your next event, click here.