The Control Freak in All of Us

“You’re such a control freak!”

Ever had one of your children accuse you of that?  How about a co-worker? A spouse?  A friend (or someone who used to be a friend before she labeled you “control freak”)?

Maybe you’ve even said it about yourself.  I know I have.

One of the most common and pervasive sources of frustration for women of all ages is the propensity to control.  We want to control our husbands, our children, our schedules, our careers, our homes, our weight and about a zillion other things, too. If you’re unsure about whether I’m hitting the nail on the head, just think about the last time you witnessed a mom trying to control an issue in her child’s classroom, a coach’s decision, or a college entrance process.  Look around your office and you’ll probably see a few control issues there, too. And don’t even get me started about how we women can try to control our men.

Yep.  I’m pretty sure we all have our control issues.

But the women in our generation aren’t the first to struggle with control.  Control issues are as old as time.

Perhaps you’re familiar with the story of Mary and Martha.  If not, you’ll get a kick out of reading it in Luke 10: 38-42.  In essence, these two sisters had Jesus over for dinner.  Mary sat listening to Jesus, while Martha scurried around the kitchen getting dinner prepared.

Nothing wrong with that at all.

Except—and here’s where the story gets juicy—she gets bent out of shape that her sister hadn’t made the same choice she had. So what does she do?

She tries to control.

Her kitchen.

Her sister.

Her God.

With her hands on her hips and righteous indignation in her bent-out-of-shape heart, she marches into the family room and interrupts Jesus.

“Ah, em…Excuse me, Jesus, but don’t you care that Mary is sitting like a bump on a log while I’m in the kitchen working like a dog? Tell her to help me!”

Martha doesn’t just attempt to control her family; she has the gall to try to control Jesus. Something we’ve never done…or have we?

• Jesus, make my husband more such and such…
• God, make my child stop this or that…
• Lord, I need so and so right now!
• Father, you have just got to change my situation!

Could these prayers possibly be attempts to control God?

I suppose, like Martha, it depends on your heart.

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset by so many things” Jesus gently rebukes. “I’m not going to allow you to make me control Mary’s actions to suit your whims and neither am I going to let you control Me.  Because, sweet thing, you are the one that needs to learn about control.” (Just for clarification, this is the Donna Jones modern-day paraphrase).

The Christian life in its essence is this:  God is God and I am not.  Therefore, my job is to live under God’s control, not try to make the world (including my husband, children, co-workers, friends, extended family members, personal hopes, dreams and desires) live under mine.

A mature Christian doesn’t try to be in control, she tries to live under control—under the loving control of her Savior and Sovereign Lord and under the control of the indwelling Holy Spirit.

And as for Mary?  Well, sitting at Jesus’ feet, listening to His wisdom certainly demonstrated her priorities.  But her action also speaks volumes about her control issues. Mary understood her rightful place in the pecking order of control.

By the way, so did Jesus.

“Not my will, but yours, Father”, Jesus prayed.

Now there’s a prayer for control freaks. It’s one I need to pray. Maybe you do, too.

“The Christian life was meant to be lived under control, not in control”

“…but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6