Wouldn’t it be nice if our kids followed every piece of advice we offered—immediately? Wouldn’t it be great if our child never had a melt-down, temper tantrum or hormonal outburst? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we never lost our cool simply because our child lost theirs?
I think I hear angels singing already.
Years ago, Dr. James Dobson wrote a book with maybe the best title ever: Parenting Isn’t for Cowards. Though I never read the book (I’m sure I should have!) I’ve often used the title as sheer motivation. Parenting –good parenting, anyway—isn’t for the faint of heart. No matter how old your kids are.
In my 25+ years of parenting, I’ve learned one little secret that has helped me successfully handle some of the inevitable parent/child battles we all face. I called the secret “Proactive Parenting” and it can be used with virtually every child for a variety of issues. (Full disclosure: the secret isn’t original with me. My mom taught me the secret and it’s proved to be a lifesaver!)
Here’s how it works: Many childhood/teen/young adult situations (as in “now we have a little situation on our hands”. Ahem. Cough. Cough) can be anticipated. Honestly, they can.
Think about your last parental drama. Did something happen that’s happened before? Maybe homework is a constant battle. Maybe the mere thought of grocery shopping with your children makes your hands sweat and head ache. Maybe the dinner hour turns your normally peaceful home into something closer to a horror flick. Maybe you’ve lost your temper trying to round up the kids to get out the door so often you can’t even remember what peaceful mornings feel like. Maybe you simply dread saying “no” just because you know what will follow.
If you’ve ever rolled your eyes, shaken your head, and thought Here we go again, you have a repeat problem on your hands.
That’s the bad news.
But here’s the good news: once you identify a repeat situation, you’ve taken your first step to change it.
This is where proactive parenting kicks in. Simply put, proactive parenting is staying one step ahead of your child. In other words, anticipate a situation that happens over and over again, and come up with a game plan for how you will handle the issue the next time it arises. Plan for it. Prepare for it. Then when the moment comes (and it will!) put your plan into action.
This moves you from being a reactive parent, whose words and actions are motivated by the heat of the moment, to a proactive parent whose words and actions are thought out and pre-planned.
Instead of losing control, you maintain it. You won’t find yourself wishing you could take back words or handle things differently.
Preparation is power.
Does it take time to put proactive parenting into place? Yes, but not much. Two minutes of proactive parenting pays off in hours of parental peace. The payoff for planning is well worth it. And here’s an added benefit: when you practice proactive parenting with your spouse you’ll parent as a team. No more marital conflicts over how to handle those repeat issues that rob your joy and drive you crazy. Everyone wins.
Does proactive parenting mean your child’s behavior is guaranteed to improve? No. But it does guarantee you’re parenting will.
Parenting isn’t for cowards, but there is a secret that makes it a little bit easier. Stay one step ahead of your child. Be a proactive parent.
And by the way….the concept works on co-workers, spouses and difficult family members, too!
To learn more about Proactive Parenting and other helpful parenting tips, get your copy of Donna’s book Raising Kids with Good Manners. You can also sign up for her free download “Seven Days to Creating a Happier Home” by clicking here. If you missed Donn’a interview on Focus on the Family last week you can still listen by clicking here.
