When I Don’t Like What God Gives

Since my last post on Wednesday I’ve been thinking, reading and praying about the whole concept of liking what God puts on my plate.  Frankly, over the course of my Christian life this has been a struggle for me.

In the early years of our marriage JP and I worked for Campus Crusade for Christ, a mission organization that focuses largely on working with college students.  As missionaries our salary came through donations of individuals to Campus Crusade on our behalf.  The idea of “raising support” tweaked me a bit.  I’m a self-sufficient, work-hard-for-what-you-get kind of person.  And to be honest I just didn’t get the whole missionary thing back then.  So I let JP worry about our financial support and I focused on discipling women.

Until the day we opened our paycheck and received $0 dollars.

I panicked.  I worried. But mostly, I was mad.

We worked long hours – 50-60 hours each.  It wasn’t like we were dinking around.  We had moved all our little belongings to a place without a campus ministry and started with nothing.  After only 6 months I had 80 girls in various Bible studies.  After all this service surely God could throw the dog a bone.

Two weeks later we got our next paycheck.  The sum read $0 dollars once again.

Printed above the amount were these words:

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:19

Did those words comfort me?  They did not.

They made me mad.

I jerked the phone off the hook, thrust it into JP’s face and demanded, “Call Bill Bright (the president of Campus Crusade) right now and ask him just how he thinks we’re going to buy food!!”

If this is what God put on my plate I was determined to send it back.

Only you can’t fight God.  Try as you might, some circumstances just can’t be changed overnight.

Infertility.

Job layoffs.

Sickness.

Unplanned pregnancies.

This stuff is hard to swallow.  These circumstances don’t come as a result of our choosing.  Nor do they come because of our disobedience.

They just are.

Since those early days I’ve come to see the hand of God in circumstances not of my choosing.  Though through the process I’ve experienced roller coaster emotions – up and down, up and down.

Trusting.

Not trusting.

Anger.

Acceptance.

Questions.

Answers.

Surrender.

Peace.

The verse I clung to during those confusing, difficult days is still one I often cling to: “Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.”  James 1: 2-4

What God put on my plate back then was a test of my faith.  I didn’t pass with flying colors.  But eventually I did pass.

What God put on my plate was necessary. Though I couldn’t see it then, our lack of funds help make me mature.  Complete.  Not lacking in character.

God knew that one day – 25 years later – we would have enough money to not only buy food but to celebrate our life together in a place called Italy.  He knew that only a girl who has to worry about having anything at all on her plate would truly appreciate having something extraordinary on her plate.  So – for a time – he left my plate empty.

What has God put on your plate today?  Count what’s on your plate joy, knowing that he has a purpose for what’s there.