The questions on the table were these: “What happens in the heart of a woman when she compares herself to others? How can I stop comparing?”
My friend and fellow writer, Denise Hughes, hosted a conference on Saturday called “The Well”. This heartfelt question was posed to those of us on the leadership panel Saturday afternoon.
I fielded the question with a few (hopefully) helpful insights, but the question has lingered in my mind for the past few days.
How do we stop comparing ourselves to others? For real.
I don’t need to tell you what happens in the heart of a woman when she compares herself to others. You already know. And so do I. So does ever female over the age of twelve—probably younger.
It’s a rat hole, this whole comparison thing, isn’t it? It leaves us feeling less than (mostly) or more than (occasionally). It’s totally self-focused and truly self-destructive.
I’ve been down the rat hole of comparison more times than I care to remember and honestly, I’m just plain tired of going there. In fact, as I drove to the conference early Saturday morning, I became aware that with a room full of a couple of hundred women, I could easily allow myself to slip into the trap of comparison. So as I drove I made a mental decision.
I would not be that girl.
I would not be the girl who compared; I would be the girl who encouraged.
I would not be the girl who was self-focused; I would be the girl who was other-focused.
I would not be the girl who felt insecure in myself; I would be the girl who felt secure in Christ.
As a believer, I have no reason to compare. I have no business comparing, either. I’ve been chosen by God (so have you). I’ve been gifted by God (so have you). I have a unique design and destiny and purpose (so do you).
This is the truth of who I am. It’s the truth of who you are. For crying out loud, why are we all scurrying around trying to impress others with who we want them to think we are when who we actually are has already been approved by God?
It’s crazy. It’s divisive, depressing and disheartening. And it’s sinful. Not one of us has to travel down that path. We have a choice.
You know what? The decision that I would not be that girl—the one who compared herself to others—it was incredibly freeing. Because focusing on encouraging other women leaves little room to be discouraged by other women.
Comparing focuses on how we are different but caring focuses on how we are the same.
And girlfriend, I would rather care for you than compare myself to you. That’s the kind of girl I want to be.
So how do we stop comparing ourselves to others? Here’s the simple solution:
- Make a choice not to.
- Strive to be your best self and on doing your best work.
- Replace comparing with caring. Choose to focus your attention on encouraging other women.
Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. (Galatians 6:4)
This makes for harmony among the members of Christ’s body, so that all the members care for each other. (1 Corinthians 12:25)
Did you know you can follow Donna on Instagram at donnaajones?
or on twitter @donnajonespeak?
But if you do decide to follow Donna on Instagram or Twitter, don’t compare. She’s just a normal girl with a normal life. Just like you.
Final note: the e-version of Seek is available at Amazon (and everywhere eBooks are sold) for only $1.99 this week only. You can get a copy for less than a the price of a drink at Starbucks. This is just too good not to share!!
[bctt tweet=”Comparing focuses on how we are different; caring focuses on how we are the same.” username=”donnajonesspeak”]
