Want to know something the contestants on The Bachelor don’t know? (Yes, I watch The Bachelor. What can I say? I have two teenage daughters. You do the math.)
Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice.
Sure, there’s the giddiness and excitement that accompanies the early stages of romance. It’s fun and it feels good. But, make no mistake–it isn’t love. It’s infatuation.
Infatuation is self-centered. I love the way he makes me feel (or I hate the way he makes me feel. )
Love is other-centered. I wonder how my words, attitudes and actions make him feel?
Love is something you do. Love is a choice.
A few days from now couples all over America will celebrate Valentine’s Day. Some will celebrate quietly, others will make it a splashy event. But if I were a betting gal, I would place my bets on the fact that most women are wondering if he’ll bring home the right card, remember to make reservations, buy flowers or secure a babysitter. In other words, they’ll be asking what will he do for me?
What if he forgets the card or the flowers or the gift, or even the day? Well, as my grandmother used to say, Lord, have mercy! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or forgotten. Or given a gift she really didn’t want. Or a card that doesn’t express the sentiment she hoped for. Or flowers that aren’t her favorite.
May I offer you a suggestion? Two, actually.
1. Lower the bar.
Seriously rethink your expectations. Be grateful rather than demanding. Gracious women are lovely. Demanding women aren’t.
2. Choose to show love.
Ask what can I do for him? rather than what can he do for me? Then, no matter how the evening unfolds–whether he makes it everything you hoped for or nothing you would have chosen–your focus is on showing love, not receiving it. It’s a win-win.
And by the way, these suggestions work with kids, friends and parents, too.
Valentine’s Day is all about love. Not the giddy, me-centered, please read my mind and grant my every desire kind of love. It’s about the real kind of love.
It’s an action.
It’s a choice.
“…Love one another deeply, from the heart.”
1 Peter 1:22
PS. I would love to hear how you chose to show love this week and what happened as a result.
